Everlasting,

my life feels broke.
If you've seen Howl's Castle, it's just like when the fire goes out of the castle,
and if falls apart, and then the fire goes back into the house, and it gets back up, but it's totally not as complete as it used to be, and then the fire gets water poured on it, and the small remainders of the house just crumble. And all that's really left is a board, with 2 legs, and a hinge, and some how it keeps walking, but just barely, and then it falls apart.

I feel like I'm a board with 2 legs and a hnge.
It feels like everything is falling apart. and I feel mostly okay about that.
I really liked what I saw today, about TODAY nooma, thing. I'm ready to let go of yesterday, and live each day for what it is, and I think at this point, with some of the decisions I'm going to have to make, that's probably for the best, because If I look back into the past, and try to remember what things were like, I think my heart will just burst with sadness, and longing for those better days.

I wish that things were simple and black and white, the way that J.K. sees them, but they just aren't. Nothing will ever be simple again.

My parents, don't like the few things in my life that I actually really care about. They don't understand, and want me to do things, that God doesn't want me to do, and it's all coming to a head this week with S.O.S. I don't think it's a mistake for me to be going to it, because Jesus said that He was coming to start a war, and not to bring unity and peace.
I feel like, the unity I had with my parents is all gone now, and all we have is disagreement and strife. I just want to leave. And I'm so excited about all that is happening in Youth Group. It just feels like, right when things started to finally get going, I'm going to have to leave it all, for uncertainty.
I know, There is no way I can stay here for very much longer. We just don't get along, I don't have a job, not that I'll be much better somewhere else without a job...
I love my parents, and I want to honor them, and I want them to be proud and pleased with me. But I need to do what God has for me to do, and they just don't understand that.

I finally want to stay here, and it seems like I won't be able to anymore.

I'm so confused, as usual I don't understand what God is doing, and as usual, I'm just going to have to trust Him, and give up my plans and dreams, and see what He has in store for me.
I'm so tired.
I miss you Noelle!
I love you guys.
-dee