you can break my heart a thousand times

i'm afraid to talk to my teacher about the fact that I still haven't registered for classes,
even though they asked us several times if everyone was all set, and i didn't say anything audible,
and they said they were all done.
last week.

i need to register for classes, it's not like it'll happen if I just let it take care of itself.

arrrr.

When did we sell our secrets for these cheap things
these fake lies that make our headds spin

We wrapped up in light,
and bathed in the truth
now we're naked and scarred
still searching for proof.

as if we needed it.

everything makes me hurt today,
everything anyone has said for the past 6 hours has made me want to cry.
why do i have to be so sensitive?
it hurts, and i'm so annoyed with myself.
why am i such a baby?

i love you guys, i just don't love this life.
-Dee


hello, i swear i won't be too long
hello, i promis I'll be real strong
wait up, i just wanna tell you
hold up, why are you still here?

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier that you'll ever know.

why do you wanna be all listenin to me
why do you spread your arms and tell me I'm free
why do you wanna be in my life?
in my life?

I've been dirtier
than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know.

Jesus, Jesus, theres something about your name.
master, savior, Jesus.

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know.

Jesus, Jesus,

i need time to be by myself.
it's not going to happen any time soon, and I don't like that.

I've been resting on these sundays to get me through.
it's not a good method.

If I wasn't depressed, I wouldn't have fallen for you, but I was, and I did, and I'm sorry for what's about to happen.(i think this is actually from the 2nd book of twilight.. little cheaters!)

this one...
After being duped into thinking a hot girl actually was interested in me, that hooker stole my weed.
LOL!

I stared at the bucket of stale cheese puffs in disbelief and thought, "I can't believe I paid 9 bucks to eat at this lousy Chinese buffet!"

It was during a philosophy class, sitting bored and staring at the wall, that I wondered 'Why the hell am I here?'.

The worst thing about secret girlfriends is that when they get hit by cars you're not supposed to cry.
???

these aren't as good as My life is average,
but some of them are more... random.

so, this is what i saw on facebook,

theoretically a thousand monkeys throwing feces could come up with the health care reform bill currently before the senate.

my mom had made a constructive comment about the health care bill, and she and another guy were talking about it.

this is what i wrote"

was this supposed to be a joke? Because it wasn't funny. although it led to some interesting comments, there has to be a better way to state your opinion, especially for a christian.


it was, a comment, not an insult. this person deleted me from their friends, and called me short sighted, and judgemental.

I really don't care a whole lot, as this persons opinion doesn't matter to me that much, i wasn't meaning to start a fight, i just wanted to mention my opinion. I figured that this would be fine, because this person who wrote about the monkeys throwing poop, has used the i have the right of freedom of speech line, so i figured he wouldn't mind me excercising mine, in a respectful way. What i said was much less offensive than their comment.
But they couldn't deal with it.

my other thoughts about this:
http://www.jesusculture.com/articles/heart-of-the-father

what a great way to star a new day.


SARCASM

it is a lovely day.

i hope that i can capture some of what i used to be in my life now.

i liked myself much more when i was young, innocent, and optimistic.

i've fallen into some habbits, I'm not fond of.
or rather, I've fallen out of some habbits that i was fond of.

time to get them back.

i am going for a walk today.
it's lovely.


lol. this was for yesterday

it is a lovely day.

i hope that i can capture some of what i used to be in my life now.

i liked myself much more when i was young, innocent, and optimistic.

i've fallen into some habbits, I'm not fond of.
or rather, I've fallen out of some habbits that i was fond of.

time to get them back.

i am going for a walk today.
it's lovely.

no one posts on here anymore.

my life is such an odd balance.
dreams reality
friends family
awake asleep
good evil
work play


i guess i'll never be quite balanced.

I'm tilting, walking on a tight rope wire.
if i fall God will catch me
I've fallen so many times.
but i have to get up on that wire.
every day is a new chance to walk it.

even if i don't want to, and most days i don't want to.

i'm confused. but life is going on.
i'm sad, but life is going on.
i'm hungry, and i want to eat nutella, and milk.
but, life is going on.

and there are people dying of hunger, aids, and depression.
there are people who are going to hell.
there are people who are living their lives from day to day, with no purpose other
than to watch T.V. when they get home, or even go on vacation once in a while.

no purpose in life.

and I'm walking this wire, and these people are dying.
and sometimes, i think i'm dying as well.

i don't like it.

school is going to go on, for the next 4 years.
so I better get into a mode of hard work, and perseverence.

i love you guys.
love and hugs and kisses. (except not for joel.. no kisses)

i need some direction
i feel like
my life is utterly
meaningless.
and nothing i do matters.
at all.
at all.

it's awful.
and i think, God is watching me
and I'm doing THIS with my time.

Good Lord!
Help!

i should've gone to visit you.
but now the last place
we will meet will
be beside a coffin.

i posted a private entry today.
i was upset.

i didn't feel like making other people upset
and then having to apologize for making them upset, because they made me upset,
because that would just make me even more upset.

and they wouldn't apologize for that.

which would make me even more upset.

so basically
i'm upset.

don't ask why

it won't make anything better.

I dare you.

we are so cute.

ok, sorry let me explain that a little better.
it just feels like we're all a bunch of raggamuffins
going through life, and we feel so much inside,
and try to write it out here.
and usually our words are just trapped inside us,
and what comes out are these poetic, picturesque stories,

i don't even know how to describe it.

I love you guys, and I am sorry for you troubles.
I want to help in whatever way i can,
so don't say not yet, or crowd me out.
unless you have to.

something has to be healed here.
and I'm all for believing it will be.

these scars won't mean a thing
cuz death ain't got no sting.
lol. ok.. corny sorry.

watch the gleam in my eye
shine up the spring in my step
and it could be blinding depending on
the amount of You that I reflect.

i feel better today.

i know what I'm doing now.
and it feels good.

IT SNOWED!
I forgot how much i love snow.
i hope this winter, is the kind where it snows, all the time.
not blizzardly,
but it just, snows, and keeps snowing.
like when i was in 9th grade.
that was one of the nicest, most wintery winters.

the end.

I am so confused.

I get out raged some times.
when i am thinking, and i remember things.
it's ridiculous.
but the things that i remember, make me upset, and my sense of justice,
is never satisfied, because people get away with so much.

how can i continue to be around people if they make me feel so conflicted?

i just want everything to be the way it was, when everything was orderly, and
fell into place as it should.
when my life was more messed up than my friends lives,
when people didn't stubbornly continue in their obstinate cruelty, and lies.

it breaks my heart.
and i am sorry for you.

i want their happiness, but i want justice.
i guess, I'll be waiting until i get to heaven to see the justice worked out.

we're here for such a short time.
gotta try to not loose sight of what i'm doing,
and how it'll last into eternity.

i'm just thinking today.

things have changed, so much, since the hay days of live journal, about a year ago this time.
everything's different, and we're all really different.

i am so lazy, it amazes me.
and i don't know why that is. and i don't know how to counter it.
obviously, i should just get up and do things, and not think about it so much.
i like to think i was born to wake up in the morning, surrounded by other people,
and we all like each other, and have something important to do that day, together.
then i could wake up, and get going.
i have no reason to wake up these days.
so i stay in bed until 10:00.

i don't want it to be that way.

i was explaining to victoria, why i'm never going to vote for anything ever again.
why my life should just lack politics.
because, i need to be the one making changes, and making things better.
the government isn't going to do it, no matter who you vote for.
even if you vote for a republican, abortions are still going to happen.
in 8 years, what did bush do about that that really changed anything?
(don't answer that.)

so, if anything is going to change, it's because people are going to change.
and they're going to change, because someone or something influenced them to change.
and i'm going to have to be the someone, because that's how it works.
if all christians, were the someone's who influenced people to change, imagined what we could do.

i love you guys, but i feel so totally disconnected from you, from everyone.
but i won't give up, just because things are pretty hard right now.
school is actually my favorite thing right now.

love you
-dee

hey, I'll be gone today
but I'll be back around the way
it seem like every where i go
the more i see the less i know
but i know
1 thing
i love you.

my mama told me
don't loose you
cuz the best luck i had was you
and i know
1 thing
i love you.

today was a good day.
i like getting to know the other kids in my class at school.
and im making relient k cup cakes.
just for fun.

no life isn't perfect, i still don't have a job,
but it's going ok.
there are things to be happy about.

i love relient k's new CD.
and right now, things are going ok
but i'm still, restless, and not happy with my life as it stands.
maybe thats a good thing?